review by Myke Nobody

A short time ago, I raped my little boy cousin in the asshole and stole his beef jerky and Yoo-Hoo. The little bastard bit me while I was trying to hold him down. After I participated in homosexual statuatory rape I ate left over lasagna that my grandfather made two days before. It was good. In fact, it was better then, then it was the evening he cooked it up. Sometime after I ate, I watched all-girl porn and jerked off while my gay little cousin cried. Actually, none of this happend. That day, I rented Repo! The Genetic Opera, a movie that has Paris Hilton and Ogre from the band Skinny Puppy in it. I was hoping it wouldn't fucking suck. Well, it was so bad that I couldn't even watch half of it. I should have guessed that it'd be dumb and cheesy because the people that made Saw were involved with making it. I would have rather did what I wrote in the first three sentences then have rented Repo: The Lame-Ass Opera. Instead of renting that piece of garbage you should jack off while watching flies fuck on the nature channel.

My bad experience didn't get me down though. I put Harmony Korine's new movie, Mister Lonely on hold at the video store because it's been constantly checked out. Finally, it was in. I watched the first half hour of it. I would have rather caught aids on the ferry taking a shit with an open sore. Better luck next month.

February 2009